habits

Yes, I loved her. And I knew she loved me. But that wasn't enough, when was that ever enough? Every time my heart was struck by that bolt it was only a matter of time until my brains could pick up the pieces and put them back together into something less, into something common. Love would be as ordinary and essential as brushing my teeth in the morning, cleaning my face with water from the tap. And then less. Like two trains stuck on the same tracks, heading over to somewhere safe that never came, never able to keep each other side by side. There is always more than one train in the track, but they have to keep a distance. A safety distance. I wish we were two wagons on the same piece, but cleaning the tartar from my teeth in the evening is far easier than thinking about these things, and even that sometimes isn't enough. Bacteria that crawl between the tiny cracks of solid calcium, teeth, the ones we use to grind all kinds of meat, including nails and upper lips, they have a way of running into the bloodstream and reaching the heart. Bad love habits, too, may kill you all of a sudden. I guess loving someone is indeed as falsely simple as keeping the cavities away.

“Let everything happen to you

Beauty and terror

Just keep going

No feeling is final”